


In His Eyes

by awkwardnarturtle



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: (nothing explicit - just that it's hinted at), But mostly fluff, Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mentions of past rape/abuse, One Shot, Photography, and he's right, and that's all that matters, and they're happy, but it's not really plot-related, eiji thinks that ash is the most beautiful human on earth, fluff with a side of angst if you will, im too saft (sad/soft) to NOT write about them, they're really soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 17:47:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16163807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awkwardnarturtle/pseuds/awkwardnarturtle
Summary: “This is how you see me?”“Yes.” Pause. And then: “This is how you deserve to be seen.”-or: eiji uses up expensive photo paper while ash gets a little more comfortable with touch





	In His Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> a short fic that i made myself soft writing
> 
> enjoy!

It was early.

Ash was sitting at the kitchen table, reading the newspaper and drinking a cup of coffee, and in the midst of Eiji’s sleep-addled brain, he realized two things. One: that the world was beautiful, what with the sunlight filtering through the cheap plastic blinds, the smell of stale air mixed with fresh coffee, and the gentleness of a summer-turned-fall warmth. Two: that the reason his heart did such acrobatics around Ash was because he didn’t just find Ash beautiful in an objective way, but also in a _I’m-very-much-in-love-with-you_ way. The realizations sent him reeling for a second, and he had to take a moment to catch his breath.

Eiji turned back around to the bedroom without saying a word, grabbing his camera and going back to the kitchen. He snapped a picture, quickly, discreetly, and then set the camera aside. “Good morning,” he said, and Ash took a sip of his coffee, looking up at Eiji.

“What was that picture of?” he asked, and Eiji’s stomach flopped around rather violently.

 _(You,_ Eiji found himself thinking, drinking in Morning Ash, with his messy bed hair, bright eyes, and relaxed shoulders. He looked so comfortable, so stunning, so everything. _The most beautiful human in the whole world.)_

“What, I don’t even get a ‘good morning’ back?” he asked, walking to the cabinets and pulling out a mug for himself. He shook his head. “Americans are so rude.” He pretended he wasn’t going through the process of emotional cardiac arrest.

“Good morning,” Ash replied briskly, setting down his paper and watching as Eiji poured himself a cup of coffee. “Now what was that picture of?”

“Nothing,” Eiji said, sticking his tongue out at Ash.

Ash rolled his eyes. “If you say that, then I know it was something.”

“Well, of course it was _something,”_ Eiji said, rolling his eyes right back and sitting down next to Ash at the table. “But it’s nothing you need to worry over.”

Pouting not unlike a child, Ash flicked Eiji’s arm. “I’m not worrying.”

“You are,” he said, and Ash flicked him again. The split second touch sent sparks flying through Eiji’s nervous system. “If you really must know,” Eiji continued, taking a sip of his coffee and closing his eyes, “then I’ll tell you.”

“Tell me.”

“It was of a realization.”

“What?” Eiji cracked open an amused eye to look at Ash, who was looking understandably confused and annoyed. “That makes no sense. You can’t take a picture of a realization.”

“Yes, you can,” Eiji said, sticking his nose up in the air.

“You can’t.”

“You can.”

“Can’t.”

“Can.”

“Can’t.”

“Can.”

Ash flicked him in the arm again. Eiji grinned.

 

\---

 

It was late.

Eiji was tired, and he could tell Ash was, too, and so Eiji tugged at Ash’s sleeve and then they left the bar. He barely even had to say anything for Ash to understand him.

They somehow ended up in a subway car, and as they sat in the seats, their legs brushing up against each other. For a moment, Eiji felt Ash tense, and then he relaxed slowly, letting their legs press up against each other. Eiji felt something stir up in his stomach, his breath hitching minutely.

He was sure Ash noticed, and he was also sure that Ash chose not to say anything about it.

The subway jolted to life, and Eiji blew out a breath, leaning his head back against the window. He wanted very badly to lean against Ash, but he knew that he couldn’t, so the window would suffice. He looked around the car to get his mind off the pressing heat of Ash’s muscular thigh.

(They were both wearing jeans. It wasn’t even skin against skin. Eiji counted to ten to get himself under control.)

He looked over to a pair of girls sitting opposite them a few seats down, and one of them had her head leaning against the other's shoulder. They were covered in glitter, their dresses were short and bedazzled to the seams, and he got the sense that if he was closer to them, that they'd smell strongly of sex or alcohol or both. They were beautiful.

"Your type?" Ash asked, voice low, and Eiji jumped out of his thoughts.

"What? No." Funny joke. "Why would you think that?" he asked, looking over at him. His bright green eyes, a shade of teal in the light of the neon advertisements, slid over to the girls as if to see what Eiji saw.

"You were staring at them." His eyes turned back to Eiji, and for a moment, he was struck by him. The green eyes, the gold hair, the neon pink and orange and blue in the ads behind him and around him.

"Yeah," Eiji said, only just managing to catch his breath.

"Why?" he asked, and Eiji pulled his eyes away from him, turning back to the girls. The girls that were half asleep already and seemed to grow on top of each other like old, deeply rooted trees. The girls that had shiny heels making blisters on their feet and bright purple and red dresses clinging to their skin.

"They're beautiful," he found himself saying. "In the way that sunsets are or two people holding hands are. Everyday beautiful that's skipped over sometimes."

Ash looked at the girls again, and Eiji heard him hum softly. "Do you think about that sort of thing a lot?"

"I can't _not_ think about it a lot," Eiji said with a shrug, turning away from the girls so that they wouldn’t notice him staring. "Those are the types of pictures that deserve to be taken.”

“I want to see the pictures that you take,” Ash said softly, and Eiji blushed.

“Absolutely not.”

Shifting to face him, Ash frowned. “Why not?”

Eiji couldn’t exactly say that it was because most of the pictures he’d taken recently were of Ash himself, so he searched his mind for a suitable enough answer. “Because it’s embarrassing.” At least it wasn’t a lie.

“But I want to see how you see,” Ash said, and once again Eiji blushed.

He couldn’t really say no to that, could he?

“Maybe,” he conceded. Ash crossed their ankles together.

 

\---

 

It was mid-afternoon.

Eiji had just finished developing the photos he’d taken recently in the darkroom at the local university, and he found Ash waiting for him outside on a bench, throwing out bird food to a small crowd of pigeons.

For a moment, he stopped and stared. And then he carefully tucked the packet of photos into his bag, taking out his camera and slipping off the lens cap.

In the seconds it took for the image to focus, Ash looked up, and Eiji snapped the picture just as a gentle sort of surprise crossed Ash’s face. Eiji couldn’t find it in himself to be embarrassed as he lowered the camera, staring at Ash as Ash stared at him.

“Why?” Ash asked, and Eiji found himself marveling at how this was the _absolute first time_ Ash had caught him taking a picture of him. They’d known each other for so long, and Eiji took a picture of Ash every chance he got. But this, of all times, was the first.

He decided to answer truthfully, since he didn’t have time to make up a lie and really didn’t want to do that anyway. “Because you’re beautiful.” Saying it out loud made his stomach drop down to his toes and then leap up to his throat.

“Am I?” Ash asked, and Eiji would’ve made some snide remark if the question didn’t seem so genuine.

As much as Eiji knew he could just say what had been going on in his head for seconds and minutes and hours and days and weeks and _months_ about how Ash was the single most beautiful human on earth, he also knew Ash wouldn’t believe it just like that. So he held out his hand, waiting for Ash to take it. “Let’s go home,” he said, “I want to show you something.”

For a moment, Ash stared at his hand, body tense, and then Eiji saw him take a deep breath, his hand hesitantly taking Eiji’s. “Okay.”

(Ash’s hands were as rough and calloused as Eiji imagined they’d be. He wondered if it was possible to freeze time just so that he could live in this moment forever.)

They traveled home in silence, and on the way, Eiji felt Ash’s hand relax in his, letting his fingers rub almost experimentally over Eiji’s hand. Eiji tried not to let Ash see what that those soft little brushes were causing him to ascend to the stratosphere.

When they got home, Eiji led the way to their shared room, sitting Ash down on the bed and letting go of his hand. Ash watched him as he went to the closet, taking out the box of developed photos from the top shelf that was sloppily hidden by a mountain of old scarves.

He sat those on the bed next to Ash, and then he took out the packet of photos from his bag, setting those down as well. He didn’t take any out just yet, taking the moment to breathe and realize that _yes,_ he was doing this, and _yes,_ he was terrified.

And then he sorted through the photos, taking out the ones that were of Ash (an almost embarrassingly large amount), and arranging them on the bed for both of them to see.

Some of them were older; Ash with his shoulders heavy, Ash with storms in his eyes, Ash with his face lifted to the sky almost as in prayer. Some of them were newer; Ash relaxed, Ash smiling to himself, Ash with his eyes closed to the morning sun almost as in thanks.

In every single one of them, Ash was the most beautiful human Eiji had ever seen, and in every single one of them, Eiji could see his feelings written over and over again in the angle, the lighting, the tenderness that each photo was taken with.

“You’re beautiful,” Eiji said, looking over to Ash, who looked as if he was close to crying. “The most beautiful human I’ve ever seen.”

Ash touched one of the more recent photos lightly with his fingertips, tracing the outline of his relaxed figure. A tear slipped down his cheek.

“That’s me?”

“Always you,” Eiji said, and Ash released a breath like he’d been punched. “Only you.”

For a long moment, neither of them said a word. Ash was too busy taking in all the photos, and Eiji was too busy suppressing a heart attack.

And then: “This is how you see me?”

“Yes.” Pause. And then: “This is how you deserve to be seen.”

“I always thought…” He trailed off, finally looking at Eiji. His beautiful eyes were glassy with tears, and there was an overwhelming, indescribable look on his face. “I always thought I was so…”

Eiji waited for him, but Ash just shook his head. He was at a loss for words, and that in itself was something amazing. Eiji decided it was time to spill his guts.

“I see you, Ash, and I want to take a picture so that I can have it forever. You breathe, and it’s worthy of every single piece of expensive photo paper I have.” Eiji paused, thinking about how he never used up so much photo paper until he came to America and met Ash. Now he was in a perpetual state of scrounging for photo paper, and he didn’t even mind. He laughed a little, looking over to Ash, who was crying freely now, shoulders drawn up to his ears and staring at Eiji with the weight of everything he had and more. “Even now, as you’re crying and thinking that you’re something less than you are, I want to take a picture. I want to memorize this.”

Ash raised his hand from the pictures, reaching out as if to touch Eiji. He stopped just short of making contact with Eiji’s cheek, but even that had Eiji feeling like he was on top of the world. “Did you know,” Ash started, voice soft and open and just shy of breaking, “that so many people have called me beautiful before” - he paused, taking a deep breath, and then his hand was touching Eiji’s cheek, _his hand was touching Eiji’s cheek -_ “but you’re the only person to make it feel true.”

“It’s because it _is_ true,” Eiji said, slowly, gently leaning into Ash’s touch. His calloused hand, warm and dry and _perfect,_ touching Eiji.

“You’re the only person to make me…” Ash trailed off, tracing a semi-circle across Eiji’s cheekbone. “The only person to make me _want.”_

“Oh,” Eiji said, because now it was his turn to lose words.

“Yeah,” Ash said, crying and smiling and perfect. _“Oh.”_

He was still touching Eiji’s cheek, and Eiji found that his entire being had been reduced to just that single patch of skin where Ash was _there._ He felt an overwhelming tightness in his chest, and if he opened his mouth, then he’d end up exploding and causing his own personal supernova.

And then he realized something.

“You’re sitting here _crying,”_ Eiji said, that supernova still tight in his chest, “and _you’re_ making fun of _me.”_

“Well, yeah,” Ash said, using his free hand to wipe his eyes and laughing. “Did you expect anything else?”

Eiji smiled, the supernova welling up inside him. “No.” And he wouldn’t have it any other way.

They were quiet, and then Ash’s expression broke into one of suppressed agony. “What are we going to do?” he asked, voice so troubled that Eiji had to physically resist pulling him into a hug.

“We don’t have to do anything,” Eiji promised, leaning more heavily into Ash’s hand.

“This is the most I can do right now,” Ash said, taking his hand off of Eiji’s cheek and waving it around. “And I know you-”

“Will wait for you, no matter how long it takes. I’ll accept and cherish what you give me now, and I’ll never ask for more,” Eiji finished before Ash could say something that wasn’t true.

“But,” Ash started, his eyebrows furrowing, “you deserve so much more than me.”

If Eiji could grip Ash and shake him by the shoulders, he would. “Ash,” he said instead, trying so hard to keep his patience, “I deserve you, and I _want_ you. But I don’t want you to force yourself, and I _definitely_ don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

Ash breathed out something that could’ve been praise or could’ve been a curse. Eiji didn’t mind either way.

His hands hovered over Ash’s, and he looked at him for permission before taking one of his perfect, beautiful, calloused hands in his and putting it back on his cheek.

“This,” Eiji said, pressing Ash’s hand onto his skin, “is enough.”

“It is?” Ash asked, tracing Eiji’s cheekbone and looking so beautiful that Eiji had to resist reaching for his camera.

“It is.”

“Okay,” Ash said, nodding and taking a deep breath. “Just know that I want to kiss you.”

“You don’t have to,” Eiji said, even though he wanted it too.

“I will,” Ash insisted, and he smiled softly, sadly. “Just not now.”

“I know,” Eiji said.

“Good.”

An easy silence stretched between them, and Ash took his hands off of Eiji’s face to play with Eiji’s hands, experimenting with the touch and the feel of skin on skin. Eiji let him, staring down at their hands and feeling the happiest he’s ever been.

“I love you,” his mouth said before his brain could stop it.

“I love you, too,” Ash said back, and they both stared at each other, equally surprised at the audacity of their mouths and the easiness of the words.

They laughed, and when they fell asleep in a comfortable mid-afternoon nap, only their hands touched, their fingers tangled together while their bodies were a safe distance away from each other. But it didn’t matter.

Because this was enough.

It was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> When Eiji woke up, orange and pink and blue were coming in through the cheap plastic blinds. His hands were sweaty where they were tangled with Ash's, but he didn't even mind because Ash was there, and he was still very much asleep. 
> 
> Carefully, so as not to wake him, Eiji disentangled their fingers and reached for his camera. He took a quick shot, and Ash blinked awake, eyes bleary as he stared at Eiji still holding the camera. He smiled. "Hey," he said, rubbing his eyes and stretching before looking back to Eiji. "See something you like?"
> 
> "Yeah," Eiji said, putting down the camera and tugging at Ash's fingers.
> 
> "Shut up," Ash snorted, but he was blushing, and he was beautiful. Eiji didn't think he'd ever loved someone more.
> 
> "You shut up."
> 
> -
> 
> so basically what happened was that i cannonballed headfirst into banana fish hell and then had INSPIRATION for like, minimum three long fics. but the thing is that have approximately 2.3 billion unfinished projects sitting in my wips and um i was like. "hey man. ya gotta finish those wips. you can't write anything bf until you finish something else." and myself was like "aight sick good plan" so i didn't work on anything new for like, at least two weeks
> 
> but, uh, i snapped. of course, i still didnt start the long fics because im not THAT bad, but still. so here we are and im SAD and SOFT and i just want my banana boys to be HAPPY and im so TIRED from school and extracurricular so i wrote this nice lazy fic and i hope y'all enjoyed reading it because i enjoyed writing it
> 
> thank you so much for reading!!


End file.
